Artemis's 15th Birthday
by JRavenTheFangirl
Summary: Arty is turning 15, and Juliet and Holly have a little something planned for the day... One-shot, humor, a bit of AxH at the end, Holly OOC in one part, Black Butler references, and an anime term. Please review. ((On the cover image, Arty is thinking: "Oh please no..."))


**A/N: second AF fanfic. Some grammar errors probably, sorry. It used to be a script but yesterday I started converting it into a one-shot. Hope you like it! Comment, compliment, critique, love, hate, and please review because I WILL respond and I WILL love you forever. Enjoy! :) J**

It began late at night in the Fowl manor, when everyone was seemingly asleep. The door to Artemis's bedroom opened, and Holly and Juliet snuck in, tiptoeing as quietly as possible. They were carrying objects in their hands. The two looked at Artemis, who was sleeping soundly, and then grinned at each other. Seconds later, the clock turned 12:00am, which was their cue, and they blew into the noise makers as loud as they possibly could!

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY ARTY!" they yelled.

Artemis screamed like a little girl and fell out of bed and onto the ground. The two girls laughed until their faces turned red. After getting over the shock, Artemis got up onto his bed, glaring daggers at them. His hair was sticking up like it had just been rubbed with a balloon.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!" he shouted in fury.

"It's your birthday, Arty!" Juliet smiled, lowering her voice a bit. "We're kicking it off with a surprise!

Holly bounced up and down on her heels. "Surprise!"

Artemis growled. "You idiots! It's 12:00 in the morning. Couldn't you have waited until I was already conscious?"

"You're conscious now," Juliet pointed out.

"More than I've ever been in my entire life."

Then Butler came in the room, rubbing his eyes and yawning. "Juliet… Holly… what are you doing?" he murmured.

"We're wishing him a happy birthday," the captain said.

"At 12:00 in the morning?"

"Yes!" his sister smiled.

"No!" Artemis exclaimed. "All of you morons, get _out_!"

Juliet sighed. "Don't be sad, Juliet," said Holly. "Arty's just a little cranky because he needs his beauty sleep."

"OUT!"

They giggled and scurried out of the room.

After a second, the manservant sighed again. "I'm sorry that they woke you…"

Artemis just grunted and crawled back into bed. "Whatever. Just get out so that I can sleep."

"Okay, Artemis." He was used to his rude attitude, so it didn't bother him all that much. He started to leave, but then smiled and poked his head back in. "Happy birthday."

Artemis scoffed. "Happy? I think not."

In the morning, Artemis walked into the kitchen and saw Holly, Butler and Juliet already there. Butler was drinking coffee, leaning against the counter.

"Happy Birthday, Arty!" the two girls grinned.

"Oh shut up, you two," the boy snapped. "Butler, didn't you tell them to stop?" Butler nodded and drank another sip. "Well they obviously _didn't_ stop, so don't just stand there drinking your coffee!"

"You've got to give me a chance to wake up before I tell two trained warriors to stop."

Artemis looked down and mumbled, "Excuses excuses…"

"_Anyway_," Juliet said, "we convinced the LEP to let Holly have a day off so that she can celebrate your birthday with you!"

"Fabulous," the child sighed sarcastically. "Gives her more time to shoot me with her Neutrino."

"Holly would never-"

"Exactly right," the soldier interrupted.

Dead silence washed over the room in an instant. Then Artemis broke it and moved onto a new subject. "Butler, what am I having for breakfast?"

"For your birthday, I made your favorite," the bodyguard answered. "Eggs with a side of sausage and yogurt."

"And the eggs are…?"

"Just how you like them; slightly over cooked."

Holly grinned. "Like his brain."

Juliet giggled, but Artemis ignored them and sat down at the table while Butler brought him his eggs. Once they were in front of him, he tried a bite of the eggs and nodded. "They're good."

"Good," Butler smiled triumphantly.

Artemis gestured to Holly and Juliet. "What about those two?"

"They already ate."

"We were waiting for you to come down so we could wish you a happy birthday and tell you the plan for today," Juliet said.

Artemis's attention was caught, and he was slightly alarmed as well. "What plan?" he asked reluctantly, though he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"You're going to go out with Butler on a shopping spree while we get the manor ready for your birthday," Holly explained.

"I don't trust you with my manor. Butler should stay here to make sure you guys don't cutesy it." He had a good point.

"But Butler is your bodyguard."

"Well he should stay here, and I'm not taking Juliet shopping. We'd never come back."

Juliet laughed. "True."

Butler came up with the next suggestion. "Then Holly can go out with you." Again, his little sister cracked up.

A look of terror came across both Holly and Artemis's faces. "Rephrase that, I beg you," she whispered.

Butler smiled. "No, I said that on purpose."

After rolling her eyes and blushing a tiny bit, Holly grunted and walked out of the room. "I'll wait in the living room."

Butler and Juliet fist bumped, and the young boy sighed with annoyance. "Honestly, you two are something else..."

Holly and Artemis had left a while later, and Juliet and Butler started to talk about what they were going to do for his birthday.

"Because of what Artemis said," the brother said, "I have some rules for you. Unless you want to die, no pink, no hot pink, no baby blue, no ponies, nothing babyish, and nothing girly."

Juliet thought for a second. "What about comic books?"

"He doesn't enjoy those."

She gasped. "Oh- I know! I could do the Archies!"

"Unless you want to die, don't."

Juliet sighed. "Jeez, big bro. Are we going to have _any_ fun? Does he like _anything_?"

Butler shrugged. "If you have any Edgar Allan Poe decorations he'll like that."

She rolled her eyes. "Funny. I seriously doubt they have anything like that."

"Well we'd better think of _something_."

Then she grinned widely. "Oh- I know! We can decorate the whole manor with holly!"

Silence took over the room for a short while. "…I'm assuming you mean the plant," said the manservant.

Juliet giggled. "You can believe that if you want."

"Seriously, Juliet, do you have a death wish or something?"

The girl groaned. "Fine, fine. We won't do that. I guess we could keep it simple and just put banners up that say Happy Birthday."

"I think that will do."

**Meanwhile…**

At the same time, Holly and Artemis were walking through the nearby mall, just window shopping for something interesting. Holly had regular clothes on then and not her LEP uniform, so that she blended in more.

"So…" she began, "where do you want to go shopping?"

"I honestly don't care."

"You sure are fun," she sighed, sarcasm coating her tone.

"I just don't do a lot of shopping, okay?"

_No kidding, _she thought to herself. "Well you should."

Artemis scoffed. "Like _you_ shop."

She shrugged. "I do. Not as much as Juliet, but occasionally."

"And what do you shop for? Guns?"

Holly swallowed and looked down. "I know you're joking, but yes."

Artemis chuckled, for once in his life. "Well I'm not going to a gun shop. Let's just continue looking in the windows and see if there's anything interesting."

"Fine. At least _I_ can be talked out of the gun shop. If you were with Butler, it wouldn't matter if you're superior to him or not; he'd go there with or without you."

He nodded, trying to hold back a chuckle. "I guess you're right. And Juliet would take me clothes shopping whether I liked it or not."

She laughed. "And probably pick something pink."

"Or yellow."

"Or orange."

"Anything bright."

"Or neon."

"Or-"

"OH MY GOD!"

Holly shrieked and ran to a window of a shop, looking at a stuffed animal in a window. It was a black and pink kitten with a long tail and big, but very cute eyes. Artemis walked up behind her as she pressed her face to the glass adoringly.

He groaned. "You've _got _to be kidding me…"

The captain ignored him best she could. "Artemis, I NEED that kitten!"

"Are you seriously the same person that can kill a troll?"

"Shut up, mud boy!" she snapped. "That kitten is just _adorable_!"

Artemis put his head in his hand, and sighed. "Fine. You can have the kitten at the end of today."

She turned and faced him with a look that could be seen on someone who had just been rejected on a date. "Why not now?" she almost whimpered.

"Because you'll be too distracted. If someone attacks me, I need you killing them, not hugging a kitten."

She considered this, then growled. "D'Arvit… I hate it when you're right. Fine. But promise you'll let me buy the kitten before we go back to the manor?"

"Promise."

**Meanwhile…**

By then, banners were hung all over the mansion saying "Happy Birthday Artemis". In addition, there were red and black balloons hanging on the banisters. Juliet and Butler had definitely outdone themselves. Butler nodded, looking over everything and analyzing it. In his head, he thought about how Artemis might react to this.

"The balloon colors are a nice touch," he commented.

"Thanks. I put in a little darker tone in them; Artemis'll like that. What do you think he and Holly are doing?"

Butler shrugged. "They're probably arguing over every little thing… like usual. Or there's an awkward silence."

**Meanwhile…**

Awkward silence was the correct assumption.

Holly was still thinking of the kitten, frustrated that Artemis wouldn't let her have it right then. Then a thought occurred to her, and she shattered the silence. "You know… why am I listening to you?!" she exclaimed suddenly. "I have a loaded gun in my pocket that I know how to fire. I could just shoot you, grab Fluffins and get out."

Artemis sputtered out a laugh. "Fluffins?"

Ignoring his mocking laugh, she nodded with confidence. "Yea. I'm naming that stuffed kitten Fluffins."

"Why Fluffins?"

"I was deciding between Fluffy and Mittens, so I just combined them! Fluffins."

"What if it's a boy?"

Holly rolled her eyes. "I'm pretty sure a pink and black kitten isn't a boy."

"Pink can be a manly color," he argued.

"Yes, but not in this instance."

"How do you know that?"

"How 'bout I just dress you up in pink and we'll _see _how I know that!" she snapped.

Artemis backed away a bit in surrender. "Okay, it's a girl," he submitted.

Holly smiled. They passed an electronic store, and Holly stopped and yanked on Artemis's sleeve for him to stay back at the entrance. "Look, an electronic store!"

Artemis didn't care anymore than he had all day. "So?"

"_So_? You're an electronic geek, right?"

"Well, I wouldn't say-"

"Come on!" she insisted. She pulled on his sleeve harder, and managed to drag him inside.

**Meanwhile…**

In the mansion, Butler and Juliet were in the kitchen, and she was taking different cooking materials out of cupboards such as bowls and spatulas.

"No birthday is complete without a birthday cake," she smiled.

"Why?" Butler asked.

Juliet paused what she was doing and actually thought about this, then resumed. "I'm not really sure… I guess it has something to do with extra sweets being allowed on your birthday…"

"Well I can cook, but I've never baked a cake before. Artemis has never asked."

"Luckily, Dom, I have!"

Butler nodded. "Good, but we need to add more rules. No strawberry, no pink frosting of any kind, no babyish or girly decorations, no comic book stuff, no Archies, and absolutely NO holly."

"You're crushing my dreams."

"And saving your life."

Juliet tried to find a loophole. Naturally, she did. "Can I make the cake olive green?"

Butler was confused. "Olive green?"

"Yeah. That's the color of-"

Then it clicked in his mind. "Oh, I get it- NO."

Juliet groaned in annoyance. "You are seriously no fun." She sighed. "Fine. How about we just make an ordinary chocolate cake?"

"No chocolate. I gave him chocolate chips once, and the effects were disastrous."

Her interest was perked, and she grinned. "Like what?"

"Sugar rush… and obsession over killing Opal. And loudness. My eardrums are still sore."

Juliet giggled. "I bet that was hilarious."

Her big brother nodded slowly, a faraway- but over dramatic- look in his eyes. "It is now, Juliet… it is now."

**Meanwhile…**

After less than ten minutes of browsing and selecting, Holly and Artemis came out of the electronic store. Surprisingly, he held a bag in one hand. "I must say… I'm glad I bought these CDs," he said reluctantly.

"Good," she responded, slightly smiling. "It _is _your birthday, after all."

"I'm getting kind of thirsty…" he informed after a minute.

"I know there's a Starbucks around here somewhere."

"I don't really like coffee."

"There's water and smoothies there too," she said.

"I think I'll settle for tea."

Holly groaned, throwing her head back a little. "Drink something other than tea, Artemis!"

"What's wrong with Earl Grey tea?" He looked at her with narrowed eyes.

"Earl Grey?"

"Yes," he nodded. "That's the only kind of tea I drink."

Holly rolled her eyes. "You're not Ciel Phantomhive. Just try a smoothie; you'll like it."

Artemis didn't know why he agreed, but he finally gave in and said, "Fine."

So the two frenemies walked in the direction of the nearest Starbucks. After finding it on a map first, they arrived inside the store. It smelled of coffee beans, but of course, what would you expect? They trotted up to the counter, where a man's back was turned.

"Excuse me…" Holly said to get his attention.

The man turned around, and, to their complete shock, they saw a familiar face. It was Trouble Kelp!

"Trouble!" they exclaimed.

The male fairy grinned. "Hello captain, Artemis. Here, I'm called Travis Kelp."

"Trouble, what are you- sorry, Travis," she corrected. "What are you doing above ground?"

Trouble grinned wider. There was a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Just an experiment on humans."

Artemis knew he would probably regret this question, but he asked anyway due to curiousity. "What is it?"

"I'm seeing if coffee affects how fast the humans read." Then he leaned in to whisper. "But it's going really slow, so don't tell anyone but I'm putting extra caffeine into each cup."

Holly bit her lip. "Um-"

"But anyways, what are you two doing here?" He winked. "You on a _date_?"

"Never!" the two cried. Their faces were both flushed bright red.

"Butler and Juliet are getting the house ready for his birthday while I take him shopping," Holly explained hastily.

"Oh- yea, happy birthday, Artemis. What are you now… 10?"

Artemis growled. "15. Of course you already knew that, though."

"Yup. So you're 15… that means you're old enough to date!"

Holly groaned. "Will you just hurry up and take our order?!"

Trouble sighed, and rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine. You don't have to get your Neutrino out on me. Whatcha' like?"

The captain smiled. "Two strawberry smoothies."

Artemis's eyes widened. "Strawberr-?!"

Holly covered his mouth and smiled more; she hadn't shifted her gaze from Trouble. He raised an eyebrow and chuckled. "And he's on board with that?"

"Does it _matter_ what Artemis wants?" she countered.

"Good point. I'll have that right out."

Holly handed him the money and he walked away. Once he was starting to make the drink, she let go of Artemis and went to find a table. He followed closely to confront her.

"Was that necessary?" he said.

Holly nodded proudly. "Yes, it was!"

Artemis sighed, knowing he had to accept that he wasn't going to win this fight. He pulled out his phone and started to type on the screen. "I'm going to text Butler and see if he and Juliet are done decorating the manor."

"Okay."

A few seconds later, his phone vibrated. "He's done. After this we'll go back."

"_And_?" she hinted.

For once in his life, Artemis was clueless. "…and what?"

"And get Fluffins, stupid!"

Then a voice came out from the counter. "Strawberry smoothie for Arly!"

Artemis and Holly turned and saw that Trouble was holding their drink out. "_Arly_?" they both questioned.

"Yea!" he nodded. "It's your couple name. I combined Artemis and Holly and got Arly."

Holly glared at him as hard as she could, and pointed her index finger at him. "If you call us a couple _one_ more time," she hissed, "you'll be in _big_ trouble."

Trouble just laughed. "Trouble's my middle name! Or, rather, my first name." He winked again.

He slid the strawberry smoothie to them across the counter, and Artemis walked up to get it. He held it up, analyzing it, and looked confused.

"We ordered two…" he said slowly.

"I thought couples drank out of one cup. It's more romantic. But don't say I'm not fair. I'll give you half your money back."

He handed him a few dollar bills and smiled. Artemis clenched his teeth, glaring at him like Holly had. "You…"

Holly reached for her gun and started to pull it out, but Trouble laughed. "We're in a coffee shop, Holly Dolly! You can't shoot me here."

Holly thought for a moment, realizing that he was unfortunately right, and then put her gun back. "D'Arvit…" she mumbled.

Artemis sat at the table and handed her the smoothie, so they wouldn't share.

"You can have it," he shrugged. "I didn't want strawberry anyway."

Holly sighed. "Well I would've ordered you a chocolate one, but Butler said that chocolate gives you a sugar rush."

He grunted and looked away. "That guy…" Then he closed his eyes, sighed, and turned back to Holly. "Well you can still have it."

Holly chuckled. "I thought you were thirsty."

"Yes, but it's not worth it."

Holly swallowed, and removed the lid. She stuck her straw in, but the other one too so they were both leaning on the opposite sides of the rim. "Just drink," she mumbled. She started to suck lightly on her straw, blushing and looking down.

Artemis bent down as well on the other one, staring at her embarrassed face the whole time. She looked up sharply, glaring, but still flushed. "What're you staring at?" she exclaimed quietly.

Artemis was the one to blush next, and looked away. "N-Nothing," he murmured. Both of them avoided eye contact for the next few minutes.

After finishing the smoothie, the two were walking through the mall to go back to the manor. At a certain store, Holly pulled on his sleeve to get him to stop. "Look!" she grinned. Artemis shifted his eyes to the window, where the kitten was still sitting on display. Holly glanced at him sharply. "You promised!"

Artemis sighed. "I guess so. But you have to…" Holly immediately ran in, grabbed the kitten, gave the clerk the money, and ran out at the speed of light, "pay for it…"

"Of course, mud boy," she scoffed. "I wouldn't steal."

She squeezed the kitten lovingly and grinned. The boy grunted, annoyed, and started to leave.

"Let's go, kitten fiend."

Holly gasped and followed. "Earl Grey tea and kitten fiend! Do you watch Kuroshitsuji?!"

"Of course not! I'm not interested in anime! Now let's go!"

The captain stopped, grinning. "I didn't mention it was anime…" Artemis turned his head around with an alarmed expression, "so… you DO watch it!"

"LET'S GO!"

They were back at the manor soon enough. When Artemis opened the door, all the lights were off. He turned them back on and Juliet jumped out excitedly.

"SURPRISE!" she cried, laughing.

A few seconds passed, and Butler walked out casually.

"Hello, Artemis."

"Hello," the master responded. Juliet gritted her teeth.

Now that Artemis could get a good look at it, he finally saw how they'd decorated his mansion for the occasion. Red and black banners that said 'Happy Birthday Artemis' were placed here and there, and balloons were around with the same colors.

Holly walked in behind him, hugging the kitten dearly.

"How was shopping?" the manservant asked.

"Decent. I got some music." He nodded to Holly, a bit annoyed. "_She's_ happy, though."

Butler raised his eyebrows. "You got a stuffed kitten?"

"His name is Fluffins!" she giggled.

"…I can't believe the same person who fought a troll fell for a stuffed kitten."

"I feel you, old friend," Artemis sighed.

But, with a completely different expression, Juliet pushed past them both and dashed up. "Oh my gosh- that kitten is so cute!" she squealed.

"Yup!" the captain agreed.

"Where'd you get him?"

"Oh… it's this store in the mall…"

They kept talking, and Artemis and Butler walked away, uninterested. "So…" the bodyguard said carefully, "we made a cake."

Artemis looked at him. He was now paying full attention, hoping that he would, possibly, get some chocolate. "You did?"

"Yes. Juliet mostly, but I helped." Then he noticed the look on his principal's face and chuckled apologetically. "Sorry, but no chocolate."

"Dang," he grunted. "Well, I'm going to put these CDs away, and then I'll join you to eat." He held up the bag, and walked up the stairs. There was about half a minute of silence, then screaming. "JUUUUUULLLLLIIIIIIIEEEEEETTTT!"

Butler glared at his little sister. "Juliet, what did you do?!"

"Oh…" she giggled, "just having a little fun with the name of a certain plant…"

The boy ran downstairs and ran in the direction of her. She jumped and leaped away, and around her brother. It was now a full on chase around the bodyguard.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, JULIET!" Artemis yelled with his teeth bared.

"You'll have to catch me first, you tsundere!"


End file.
